If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
