i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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