I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
