the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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