i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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