walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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