it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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