some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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