im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
