But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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