The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sext me about skeletons
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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