so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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