some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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