Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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