i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
