no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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