My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
