K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
