If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
