there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
