He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
