U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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