The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
