nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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