things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
