Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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