3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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