ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
