Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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