Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
