What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
