ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Randomize
