just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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