Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
