Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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