I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
