He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
