where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
