So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
