I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
