I faked an abortion last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
