We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
