Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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