Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
