I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
