I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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