I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
