why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this just has baby written all over it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
