i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
