Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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