I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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