I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
