I wannas sexs uuuuu
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
