im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
