I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
