So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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