Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
