I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
